Silly Long Car Names that Really could have been Shorter but they aren’t

Some cars have striking model names, others have boring ones and many just have names so that you know who makes them. However, with so many different versions of the same cars, automakers have had to give some of their higher-end models longer names to differentiate them from the lower trim models. As a result, the names of these cars can be tediously long.

Mercedes Benz AMG GT63S 4-Door 4MATIC+ First Edition

We start with the Germans and as stated, this is the First Edition of the AMG GT63S 4-Door. Ridiculous name aside, it was the most powerful car AMG has ever made – that was, until the new GT Black Series and GT63S E Performance.

Porsche Panamera Sport Turismo Turbo S E-Hybrid

Sticking with the Germans, this is the most powerful version of what is essentially a Panamera estate. It is incredibly pretty and ridiculously fast. Also ludicrously expensive – but not as expensive as the Taycan Sport Turismo Turbo S (Turbo even though it’s an electric car).

Land Rover Range Rover Velar Special Vehicle Operations Autobiography Dynamic Edition

This is an even more boring name that I find unnecessarily long. Why not just call it the Range Rover Velar SVR like the Jaguar F-Pace SVR? That’s what it is. Silly Brits.

Bentley Continental Grand Touring Convertible Number 1 Edition by Mulliner

This is pretty self-explanatory as it’s a Continental GTC First Edition that has been luxurified by Mulliner. Still a mouthful to say.

Chevrolet Camaro Z28 International Race of Champions-Z

Yes, this is the Z28 IROC-Z. No I didn’t know IROC-Z stood for that either. Funny enough, the ‘Z’ doesn’t actually mean anything. It was a placeholder that went into production with the Camaro Z28. Weird.

BMW Individual M760i xDrive Model V12 Excellence THE NEXT 100 YEARS

Uhmmm, ja. It’s an Individual version of BMW’s M760i with their ‘Looking to the Future’ words in it. Sounds like Jeremy Clarkson was in charge of the naming.

Audi R8 V10 Plus Audi Sport Performance Parts R8 Edition

So an R8 with performance parts. Why not just call it – oh, I don’t know – an R8 Performance? Looks menacing though.

Nissan Skyline R34 Gran Turismo Racing Victory Specification II Nurburgring Edition

Another one I learned the proper name of. It’s an R34 GT-R V-Spec II. Thank you Gran Turismo 4.

Subaru Impreza World Rally Cross Subaru Technica International Specification-Custom Record Attempt-Racing

Say that fast three times… It’s the WRX STi-C RA-R. Apparently it’s the ultimate Impreza.

Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VI Grand Sport Rally Tommi Mäkinen Edition

Also pretty straight-forward. It is a Lancer Evo tribute to Tommi Mäkinen. It also comes with one of the coolest liveries of any production car. EVER!

Duesenberg Model Supercharged J LaGrande Dual-Cowl Phaeton

Ok, this one just sounds brilliant. I have no idea what a ‘Dual-Cowl Phaeton’ is, but it’s awesome! Beautiful car as well.

Then we get to the people who come up with the most flamboyantly dramatic names – the Italians.

Lancia Delta High-Fidelity Integrale Evoluzione II Collezione Edizione Finale

Yes, one of the greatest hot-hatches ever has a very long, VERY Italian name. Awesome!

Lamborghini Aventador Longitudinale Posteriore 770-4 Super Veloce Jota Roadster

I’m taking liberty with the LP bit, but only because it sounds really cool when you say it like that. Also, this is the Lamborghini with possibly the most wings and inlets in its history. Expensive as well.

And finally, my favourite ridiculously long car name of all.

Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio Verde Gran Turismo Allerggerita Modificata

It just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? Most people just call it the Guilia GTAm. It is a beautiful car. If someone puts this and a BMW M3 Competition in-front of me and make me choose one, I would have to think long and hard… and then take the keys with the snake on it. I mean, come on – that is the best sounding V6 on sale and it comes standard with an Akrapovic exhaust! It sounds amazing!

And finally, the longest car name in the world. Drum roll please…

Infinity.

Cheap shot, I know.

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©2021 Michael De Kock 

Michael de Kock is a blogger, because he likes it, a Psychology graduate, because he thought it’d be interesting (so many essays) and is busy doing a National Certificate in Motor Mechanics to get more skilled, as he struggles to get a job in this day and age in this country.

In the meantime, why not help him with paying the bills by buying his new book?

125 Writing Prompts for Petrolheads. Now available on Amazon Kindle – https://amzn.to/3lwaUPh.

Battle of the Dinosaurs

The new Ford F-150 Raptor has been announced for the next model year and it brings some updated styling and probably more power. As standard, you’ll get the normal Raptor with the 3.5L Twin-Turbo EcoBoost V6 producing around 360KW and 730NM. But, for the following model year, there will be a Raptor R which is reported to have a 500KW V8. Whether it will be a 5.0L Coyote V8, the 5.2L Voodoo V8 or the 7.3L Godzilla V8, either of them with a supercharger or twin-turbos, we don’t know yet.

The reason for the Raptor R is most likely because fans of the pick-up really wanted a V8, but mostly because Dodge built the new RAM TRX – which stands for T-ReX, because the Americans do that sort of thing (see the Dodge Challenger Demon and Hennessey Exorcist). The RAM TRX has the ever-awesome supercharged 6.2L Hellcat V8 producing 526KW and 850NM. It is quite frankly magnificent!

Chevy on the other hand, seems not to have bothered to join the party. It’s probably a good thing, because the Silverado is a bland pick-up. The only good thing is the diesel V8 in the biggest 3500 trim, with the dually wheels at the back. The front is too flat and the current generation is ugly to look at. It can however, tow a really big anvil for when the one in your blacksmith shop just won’t do (I don’t know either, must be an American thing).

So in the Battle of the Dinosaurs, I think the TRX wins. Yes, the Raptor is a cool pick-up and it is probably more user friendly and easier to live with day-to-day, but the RAM has a Hellcat in it. I mean, how could you not love the whole idea?! Now if only it could have been rear-wheel-drive…

Now a word from our sponsor: Me. Every year, thousands of V8s are killed by emissions regulations forcing car manufacturers to downsize their engines. Help end the suffering.

Don’t hate – adopt a V8!

©2020 Michael De Kock 

Michael de Kock is a Psychology graduate, busy doing a National Certificate in Motor Mechanics to get more skilled, because he struggles to get a job in this day and age. Can you believe that? I can’t…

Battle of the Muscle… Cars

The Muscles

Chevrolet Camaro ZL1 1LE, Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat and Ford Mustang GT350R

Recently I’ve been watching videos revolving around the subject of the big three American Muscle Cars. I am of course talking about the Dodge Challenger, Chevrolet Camaro and the Ford Mustang. However, just naming them doesn’t really say anything as there are multiple versions of them – from awful (what I’ve heard) V6s and EcoBoosts, to engines with enough power to restart the rotation of the Earth if necessary.

Now, I can go on about those entry-level engines and recall a scenario in which I told myself that I would buy a Mustang EcoBoost as a first car, but then realising that I live in South Africa where petrol is expensive and that the base price is double than in the USA. I also read an article where two Brits (I think, can’t quite recall) got the big 5.0L Coyote V8 to be more efficient than the EcoBoost, leading to me deciding to throw caution into the wind and buy the cheapest second-hand Mustang GT I could find – if I had the money for it… of course.

But alas, this blog isn’t about those entry-level models, but rather about the top-spec factory-made versions of each. Those super versions that we all drool over. I am, of course, talking about the Mustang GT350R, the Camaro ZL1 and the Challenger Hellcat. I’m using the Hellcat instead of the Demon as example as it is only really made to do one thing – be fast in a straight, line like all pre-2015 muscle cars.

The last few years have produced some really good American cars with power figures that could put the Germans to shame. Of course, the ‘Muricans’ can’t match the Germans for quality, efficiency, looks, noise, attention to detail or any of the things that really matter. I think the Americans realised this, so they decided to just go mad with power. Literally. I applaud that. I enjoy that. As a result of this, you can get a Dodge Charger Hellcat – which is about the same size as an E-Class, 5-Series or A6 – with more power than a Lamborghini Aventador – for way less than the top spec of either an E-Class, 5-Series or A6. It’s ridiculous!

On top of that, there are many aftermarket dealers and tuners who will give you even more bang for your buck. Hennessey comes to mind. They offer packages which you can buy to spruce up your already overpowered car even more – most notably the HPE650, HPE800 and HPE1000 packages. And the cool thing is that you can have these on almost any of the American V8 cars on sale now. Fancy a base Mustang GT but feel it’s a bit underpowered? Get an HPE650 package. Did your wife say you need a family car, but you don’t want to sacrifice power? Buy a Chevy Suburban and ask Hennessey for the HPE1000 package. You’ll be able to do the school-run in record time and a puff of smoke. It’s absurd and I love it.

What was I talking about? Oh right, Hellcat, GT350R and ZL1. I can’t quite decide which one I like best. The current range really looks good from most perspectives, where there always had been something off about the previous models. The previous Mustang looked generic and bland, the Challenger apparently had an awful gearbox and wasn’t that comfortable and I had one major problem with the previous-gen Camaro that put me off of buying one immediately. The driver’s instrument cluster was stupidly designed. It looked awful and I couldn’t imagine staring at it whilst driving. Luckily, GM fixed it in the current one.

The current Challenger looks the part. Square look, big tyres, bulge on the bonnet, 520-odd Kilowatt and it just looks like an angry car – like Joey Tribbiani when someone ate one of his chips. The Camaro looks more like a sports car than a muscle car, which may put some people off, but it kind-of works – and has 480KW. The Mustang is almost a perfect split between the two, but it ‘only’ has 400KW. It would feel just as at home at a sports car meet as it would at a muscle car meet (hopefully minus the whole ploughing into pedestrians thing).

Now, if these are still too tame for you, there is always the ultimate – and aftermarket – versions of these cars as opposed to these super versions. There is the aforementioned Challenger Demon that does what it was built to do so well that it has been banned from taking part in it. Ironic. There is the Shelby GT350R and Super Snake that has a butt-load of power (and looks a bit scary). And finally, there is my favourite of the aftermarket ultimate bunch – the Hennessey Exorcist. I like it because it looks mean. I like it because it was built to put the Challenger Demon in its place. And I like it because its name is a joke and thus doesn’t take itself too seriously. Oh, and it has a thousand horses – or plus-minus 750KW – for less than a BMW M5! It’s… Silly.

So whilst I would have the Hennessey Exorcist in the ‘ultimate’ category, I can’t quite decide on a car in the normal “Are you out of your mind?” said the executive to the engineer-category. Seems like I’d just have to drive all three and then decide…

Ford, GM and FCA, let me have a go in your insane cars… please?

 

P.S. FCA announced the Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat Redeye after this blog was written, so… tough. But I thought I’d mention it as it is a factory-spec car with close to 600KW. Absolutely bonkers! But oh, I love it so…